Last night I was listening to Opie and Anthony, and they were qualifying a girl for the Fifty-Five Gallon Drum Competition by shooting her with lamb's blood.
The Fifty-Five Gallon Drum Competition is a competition in which they put girls into fifty-five gallon drums, I imagine wearing only their underwear, and pour gross stuff on them, and who ever stays in the longest wins something. My commute is only five minutes, so I get to listen to very little O & A, so I'm not sure what the prize is, but I imagine it's something pretty fucking spectacular. Last time they did it I only caught part of it, so I don't remember anything they poured on them except the hissing cockroaches. Mm-hmm.
So this year, I suppose since they're syndicated now and are all over the country, there are actually challenges to get to even compete. The other day a girl had to eat lamb brain out of the skull, uncooked, with a spoon. And the day before that some girl . . . I think she peed whilst standing on her head? I don't know, that doesn't make much sense, does it? But they can't talk about peeing on the radio, and I missed the beginning, so it was hard to tell . . .
Anyway, last night another girl was to stand in her underwear while Opie and Anthony shot lamb's blood at her with super soakers. I missed the actual activity, but got to listen to the set up. So O & A are in the room where the faux massacre is to be taking place, and the girl walks in in her underwear (they had met her already with her clothes on) and they're hype because she's really pale so the blood'll show up real good.
OPIE: Oh, wow, you're all pasty-white, you're cute!
ANTHONY: Jesus, Opie!! Say "alabaster"! You don't tell a girl she's "pasty white"!! She's alabaster.
Hey, I like that. Much better than "translucent", which is usually how I describe my skin color. I'm alabaster.