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I'm alabaster.

Mm, okay. Bear with me here.

Last night I was listening to Opie and Anthony, and they were qualifying a girl for the Fifty-Five Gallon Drum Competition by shooting her with lamb's blood.

The Fifty-Five Gallon Drum Competition is a competition in which they put girls into fifty-five gallon drums, I imagine wearing only their underwear, and pour gross stuff on them, and who ever stays in the longest wins something. My commute is only five minutes, so I get to listen to very little O & A, so I'm not sure what the prize is, but I imagine it's something pretty fucking spectacular. Last time they did it I only caught part of it, so I don't remember anything they poured on them except the hissing cockroaches. Mm-hmm.

So this year, I suppose since they're syndicated now and are all over the country, there are actually challenges to get to even compete. The other day a girl had to eat lamb brain out of the skull, uncooked, with a spoon. And the day before that some girl . . . I think she peed whilst standing on her head? I don't know, that doesn't make much sense, does it? But they can't talk about peeing on the radio, and I missed the beginning, so it was hard to tell . . .

Anyway, last night another girl was to stand in her underwear while Opie and Anthony shot lamb's blood at her with super soakers. I missed the actual activity, but got to listen to the set up. So O & A are in the room where the faux massacre is to be taking place, and the girl walks in in her underwear (they had met her already with her clothes on) and they're hype because she's really pale so the blood'll show up real good.

OPIE: Oh, wow, you're all pasty-white, you're cute!
ANTHONY: Jesus, Opie!! Say "alabaster"! You don't tell a girl she's "pasty white"!! She's alabaster.

Hey, I like that. Much better than "translucent", which is usually how I describe my skin color. I'm alabaster.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 28th, 2002 06:11 am (UTC)
Opie and Anthony are the lords of darkness, apparently. Spaying "Lamb's Blood" at people? Sheesh.

Somebody needs to write a Chick Trak.
Feb. 28th, 2002 06:38 am (UTC)
I'm getting a car radio antenna tonight. Man, they used just to be vulgar and mischevious; now with syndication they seem to have become full on evil. Nice.

Um, congrats on the alabaster thing, too.
Feb. 28th, 2002 07:04 am (UTC)
Shows like Opie and Anthony/Howard Stern, etc... I just don't get them. To me, they're not very fun to listen to on the radio. The commercials are 10 minutes long and take up half the air time, plus... they're doing all this gross/horrible/offensive stuff, but you can't like, SEE it. I listened to them interview Motley Crue once, and it sounded like all this fun stuff was going on in the studio.. but... so what? So I'm listening to a bunch of guys laugh and laugh and then commercials and then a joke and then some more inside jokes and then more laughing and talking amongst each other about the equipment problems with the radio station... anyway.

The Howard Stern E! show was mildly entertaining, when I was in High School, and it wasn't one where they just looked at some hot naked woman for half an hour and said "dude, she's naked and hot" the whole time.

Feb. 28th, 2002 07:26 am (UTC)
I definitely understand why some -- even most -- people would not enjoy listening to O & A. And as they become more successful, they do more in-studio stuff that you can't see, and it's sometimes frustrating. But that only happens a few times a week; mostly they're just talking.

But like anything else, if you already like them and are already into them, you don't mind so much. I laugh when they laugh, because I'm so caught up in what's going on, even if I have to wait until they're finished laughing to explain to me what happened. But they have been getting more frustrating, like I said.

And also, while I realize that O & A and Howard have very similar formats, I really don't like Stern. I find him to be really, really boring. O & A entertain me about 80 - 90% of the time, and Stern about five, which is why I listen to 1060AM in the mornings.
Feb. 28th, 2002 09:36 am (UTC)
Word. I can't quantify it exactly, but I always found O & A a lot more entertaining than Stern- maybe because I always felt like, when I listened to Howard, he jsut showed up and talked and not much happened, whereas opie and anthony are actually funny, you know? They do stuff.
Feb. 28th, 2002 07:31 am (UTC)
I only get to be alabaster in washed-out photos, dammit. Curse you, uh...whatever color I am! Tan?
Feb. 28th, 2002 10:52 am (UTC)
Feb. 28th, 2002 02:57 pm (UTC)
I'm alabaster, you're glue...
Feb. 28th, 2002 04:54 pm (UTC)
Hooray for alabaster girls!

You can clearly see all of my major veins, and a goodly percentage of the smaller ones, especially across my upper chest. My best friend in high school called me "iguana woman" once she got a good look at my eyelids.

Mar. 1st, 2002 06:01 am (UTC)
Yeah, we could never be prostitutes in Amsterdam; with the combination of the red and black lights, we'd scare off all the customers. I take my showers under a red light; I look like a science project. Or that Goodbody guy. What was his name?
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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