So Monday night I go over to The House so that I can witness/entertain an Entirely Too Drunk For A Monday Mitchell, and who is there for me to meet but my fresh-from-Japan, best (a little late) birthday present ever and my new Best Friend TOTORO!
If you don't know what a Totoro is, then you're STUPID! A Totoro is a spirit of the forest who lives in a . . . tree, I forget what kind. Some kind that sounds like it should be unappealing, even though it isn't, like sulphur or something, I'll look it up in a second. [Camphor, it's a camphor tree.] Anyway, they come in three sizes, and the big one is BIG and makes LOUD SOUNDS and is good to take naps on. He also likes how rain sounds when it hits an umbrella.
There's this movie called My Neighbor Totoro, and it's by that Hayao Miyazaki guy who does everything, like Princess Mononoke and Nausicaä and Panda Go Panda. Well, the movie itself leaves a lot to be desired. Mostly I desired the two whiny girls to be in it less, but MOSTLY I desired to have my very own Totoro of my very own, so that I could take naps on his tummy. Did I say that already? I love naps. And I love Totoros. Like I said, a lot of that movie is boring, but every time a Totoro came on screen, be he Chibi, Chuu, or Oh (that means "large"), I got that goofy grin I get. And I laughed at their antics -- not many things can make you laugh just from happiness, but Totoros can!
So one time I said "you know, what I REALLY want for my birthday is a Totoro, to take naps on" (I'm allowed to dangle prepositions when I am speaking about Totoros, because they make everything RIGHT). So I imagine that Mitch looked into it and couldn't get one -- I mean, they're woodland spirits and all, and only children and possibly People Who Truly Believe can see them, so it'd be tough to catch one, and then the shipping costs -- shit, man, those things are like ten feet tall, can you imagine how much it would cost to send one from Japan? And who'd want to condone the capture of a Totoro anyway? Not me! So he did the next best thing and got me THIS:
My very own Totoro!
I shook Mitch's hand and told him it was nice being his best friend for so long, but now I have Totoro! His eyes are half-closed because he's chill, like me. Henry is scared of him. I imagine that Totoro yells at him in his big loud voice when I'm not home, just to keep him in check. He's hard to sleep with because he's so BIG but he RULES! Now I need the other two guys. Man, if someone said they were going to buy me a big freaking stuffed animal for my birthday I'd be like, uh, gee, thanks, but this is no big stuffed animal, this is a TOTORO and he loves me and I love him and I don't need any of you, any more.