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The long drive home

What a surreal drive home. Maybe not surreal, just . . . odd.

So first of all, I'm in the parking lot, and I pull out, but as I'm pulling out I see the boy at work who I've recently decided to like, so he makes me nervous, because I have my eye on him as he's walking to his car. So I start going foward, only to see that because I've been watching him and not what I was doing, I haven't pulled out of the space enough, so like an idjit I have to reverse some more and then leave. Then at the first light I notice his black Golf is right behind me, so I'm still a little nervous. I keep my eye on him the whole time. He follows me straight at the light, then left at the four-way stop. I begin to hope that he's going to follow me home and ask me out on a date. Then there's another light at the top of the hill, and he's still behind me. The lady who was at the light when I got there, in the right lane, starts creepin' like a creepah into the intersection, until she's fully in the middle of the damn thing. Easily two car lengths in front of the stop line. Now, I'm normally a real stickler about shit like that, but that is effing ridiculous. And she's going straight! And we have a lead green! Man. If the cute boy hadn't been behind me, I would have been sitting on the horn the whole time, but I don't want him to think I'm a psycho, so I just toot once or twice. So finally the light turns green, and the lady goes, and since she's already halfway there I fall in behind her (it turns into one lane on the other side of the light after a bit). So of course she's going 30 the whole time, which, granted, is the speed limit, but everybody usually goes 40. So I'm right on her ass, but I can't say anything because she's not under the limit. So there's this whole line of people piling up behind us, and she starts slowing down, like she's going to turn into my apartment complex entrance, but of course no blinker. So we're slowing down, and people are getting impatient and wanting to go around us, which there isn't really room to do, AND then one of the cars from way back gets onto the shoulder, like they're going to pass this line of cars on the right to get into the complex. Well, I'm making that turn too, but I'm not in the shoulder, because it's a SHOULDER, NOT A ROADWAY, and I don't mind the extra THREE seconds it would save me. But the car is a silver Tiberon, and my next door neighbor has a silver Tiberon, and God forbid it's her and I honk at her a lot. So I have to sorta lean into the shoulder, so that she knows I'm heading where she is, and she shouldn't pass me. FINALLY the dumb bitch in front of me turns in, and of course this whole time I've got my eye on the cute guy, but he goes straight, which is fine, and the Tiberon comes in behind me, and yes, it's my neighbor. With cute boy safely gone, I lay on the horn a long time in the direction of the Creeping Lady, but it's probably like when I put Henry under an upside-down laundry basket after he bites me on the face: it's been 30 seconds, which is way too long in stupid bitch/stupid cat time, and she probably has no idea what I'm honking about. So THEN I get to my apartment, and this other car has just pulled in right in front, and this gaggle of unfamiliar people (plus the old lady who lives down and to the left) gets out of the unfamiliar car, and walking to meet them from the down and to the left apartment is this GUY who I would swear is homeless or some shit, his hair is all crazy and he's got a beard and his shirt has only one button buttoned, and the breeze is blowing his shirt around, so his big round belly is sittin' out in the breeze. And of the people getting out of the car, one kid has flowers. So I fumble in my car a little so I won't have to pass them, and it seems my Tiberon neighbor is doing the same, and then finally the gaggle is closer to their door, they're approaching this dude, and they've left the car running with a kid in it and a door open, I guess they're dropping the lady and the flowers off and taking the homeless dude with them. So my neighbor gets out, and I get out, and I make my way inside.

So, you know, nothing earth-shattering? Just a little on the eventful side for a five-minute drive.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 6th, 2002 02:48 pm (UTC)
but I don't want him to think I'm a psycho

hope he doesn't read LJ...
Aug. 6th, 2002 02:54 pm (UTC)
you said it
Brother, I hope a LOT of people don't read LJ, knamean? My incessant honking would be the LEAST of my troubles . . .
Aug. 6th, 2002 04:43 pm (UTC)
That's the truly unsatisfying thing about honking at people who do stupid shit- you can almost always be sure that they're stupid and oblivious, and they'll never understand that they did something wrong. They'll just leave the situation thinking "Why was that asshole honking at me?"
Aug. 6th, 2002 04:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I was afraid to toot at her at the intersection, because she looked like she might creep up FURTHER. If that were possible.
Aug. 6th, 2002 04:56 pm (UTC)
P.S. I have recently discovered that I like the word "toot".
Aug. 7th, 2002 02:37 pm (UTC)
There's a drive through in Beloit where you use your car horn before you order. Name: Toot 'n' Tell.
Aug. 7th, 2002 10:25 am (UTC)
To shade the point finer...oblivious people will nevar think you are honking at them.

In fact, I doubt they even hear the honking. So I just honk to make myself feel better.
Aug. 6th, 2002 05:41 pm (UTC)
I don't understand the phrase "lead green". Please explain.
Aug. 7th, 2002 04:22 am (UTC)
Well, you know what a "delayed green" is, right? Where you have to wait for the other guys to go first? "Lead green" is the other guys.
Aug. 6th, 2002 05:54 pm (UTC)
Don't you wish there were different kinds of honks that mean different things? Like, I need one that says, "I'm sorry", when I accidentally do something stupid, like pull out in front of someone I don't see. And then I need one that says, "I'm not trying to be mean, just the light is green and you should go." And then I need one that says, "OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING MORON!!"
Aug. 7th, 2002 04:21 am (UTC)
YES. I do. Always have. I've thought we can get those scrolling LED displays, too. Then we can get REALLY specific.
Aug. 7th, 2002 07:14 am (UTC)
"Honey, he's doing the 'You stupid bastard' honk, we beter pull up..."
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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