July 9th, 2001

mr. robin

Safety Rule of the Day

In honor of the beer and liquor bottles that were thrown, dropped, and run over Saturday night at The House, I bring you Safety Rule number 7029:

7029 - Never pick up broken glass with your fingers. Sweep up broken glass, place the pieces in an envelope that has been clearly marked that the contents contain broken glass, seal the envelope, and dispose in a safe manner.
mr. robin

I miss Spaz

Saturday I went with Michelle and her friend Carla to see an Opie and Anthony roadshow in Asbury Park, NJ.

If you don't know who Opie and Anthony are, then by God, let me tell you, because you're missin out. They are two radio "personalities" who do a talk radio program. I started listening to them while they were on New York radio, while I was at Rutgers. I was very very sad to leave them behind when I moved down here, but a month or so ago they finally got syndicated and a Philly station picked them up, and my afternoon drives have been immeasurably more entertaining since. You should listen. Siobhan can listen on 105.9 FM, "The Package" (man, what a lamo name for a radio station). Ryan and Asa can listen on 102.7, where I used to listen to them. Chibikitsune can (I think) listen to them on 105.3 FM. That's the Dallas station, and I know that foxy bitch lives somewhere in Texas. Everybody else, you'll just have to wait.

If you like Howard Stern, you'll probably like these guys. If you hate Howard Stern, you'll probably like these guys. I personally hate Howard, but I adore O&A. They're thirtyish, and are from Long Island, and they're really smart and funny. Yes, they have lesbians in all the time, and wiffle-ball bat contests (ew), and various gross sexual contests, but they're really funny. Be forewarned: you will hate them at first. Everybody hates them at first. I hated them at first. Manning will hate them always, but that doesn't matter, because he's too damn sophisticated for his own good. But listen to them -- they're on from three to seven here, it may vary where you are -- for at least a week. C'mon, the music on the radio SUCKS nowadays anyway. And if you listen to Classic Rock -- well shit, man, you have those records at home. Listen to Opie and Anthony instead.

They are the inventors, by the way, of Whip 'em Out Wednesdays. If you don't know what WOW is, let me tell you: you, as a guy (or appreciator of breasteses), put a "WOW" bumper sticker on your car, or just write WOW somewhere. We, as the friendly young ladies, will flash, or "WOW" you, on Wednesdays. Just to be nice. Isn't that the best idea ever? It's spreading goodwill around. When we were going down to the shore last week, and I was in Hal's jeep, I was so ready to WOW somebody (even though it was a Tuesday). But alas, no stickers.

So every once in a while they'll have a "roadshow", and for once, we were able to go, so we went. It was all right. I got to see Opie up real close; I said he was cute, but Michelle said "sure, in a really really dorky kind of way," but I sheepishly admit that that's my steez. They had a decent cover band called the Nerds, and a Lesbian Pool, and a dunk tank, and a freak box, and hot dogs. Opie and Anthony actually didn't do a lot -- they weren't broadcasting, because it was on a Saturday -- but it was still pretty cool. And it was, as I had predicted, about 90% guys. Easily the sausagest sausage fest I've ever been at. Only one guy asked me to show him my tits, though, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. Oh, and there was some Penthouse Pet there, I forget who. She had a LOT of hair, and really big tits, and really skinny legs. I took a picture of her.

We didn't do much -- just wandered around, soaking up the atmosphere, getting hit on by two guys in a "hardcore" band. Please. Not only do I despise that sort of music, but I object VERY strongly to the term "hardcore". Hardcore what? How can a genre of music be called "hardcore"? That's like calling a certain type of music "extremely". Or "very".

Anyhow, that's what I did Saturday: saw in person a bunch of people I've heard, or heard about, many times. There was an Ultimate Wet T-Shirt Contest scheduled -- and the intern Stinky kept asking us if we wanted to sign up, because as I said there were very few girls there -- but I didn't feel like getting naked just so I could not win the $1000 prize, since there were legitimately hot girls there. And besides, I had ugly sunburn lines on my boobs. Ooh, and right when we got there, some guy from the New Yorker interviewed Michelle and I. I hope he quotes us. I mean, we're engineers, and we love this slop; that's newsworthy, right?

P.S. I also saw the editor of Big Butts magazine, Mendhi ____. Sweet.