July 7th, 2004

mr. robin

The news is scary

Man, the news is seriously so scary these days!  To wit:

  1. Kangaroos.  Holy shit, this article makes kangaroos sound absolutely TERRIFYING!  I mean, here in New Jersey, if something natury wanders into your yard and threatens you, it's, like, a chatty squirrel.  Or a silent and motionless (which can be creepy) bunny.  Or a rabid raccoon.  That's about it.  Every once in a while you'll hear about a black bear, but they just seem to check out the garbage and mosey along, they don't hang out and stare at you menacingly as they drown your dog with their hind legs and punch your other dog with their front legs.

  2. Dick Cheney.  Man, in general, this man just creeps me the fuck out.  I mean, LOOK at him!  Look at his lying face!  Man, how could anyone trust that face ever?  The president is a stupid, ignorant, close-minded little man, but sometimes I think that maybe he really does want what's best for us -- he's just remarkably, well, stupid.  And brainwashed.  But Cheney has greed in his eyes.  He's malicious.  He's evil.

  3. We're not recycling anymore?  WTF, mates??  Why not?  How embarrassing!  Keep recycling, assholes!  I swear, Americans have such a short attention span.

    Oh wait, unless we're talking about --

  4. Rasputin's dick.  Sitting pretty at the Number Three spot.  Now that's classy.