September 3rd, 2004

spock and chapel - the naked time

Chigga wha?

Man, so I have about fifty or so chigger bites on each leg from last week's camping trip.  When people see them they say "ahhhhhh" but they don't itch at all (the bites), but at some point in the last couple days I've been gotten by a genuine mosquito so I'm scratching like mad at like three bites in the middle of all these totally unitchy bites and I don't know, it just seems odd.

This is the first of at least two entries about bugs.

Did you know what not all insects are bugs?  'Struth.
james t. kirk - spitting back the coffee

Hornets and motor scooters and cranes.

I intended to cook steaks the other day, on the grill out on my balcony, but there was a bit of a fiasco with the briquettes.

When I went to dump them onto the grill, you see, not that many fell out.  By which I mean, there were fewer briquettes than I thought I had, and fewer briquettes than I needed.  So I quickly called Dave (who had called a few minutes previous, to ask if I needed anything from the grocery store), and asked him to pick up a small bag of briquettes, and he said okay.

So a little while later, Dave arrives.  The bag he has aren't the fast-lighting kind, they're the regular kind, but the ones that I have already are self-lighting, so I don't see this as a problem.  Until I try to light the darn things, and nothing happens.  Nothing!  Man did I hold a flame to those suckers, like, forever!  They were a few weeks old, but man, the bag was totally folded over, I was not at all expecting them to be not self-lighting.  So now it's getting late, and I don't know what to do.  Dave volunteers to run to the Nik Nak which is across the street from my apartment complex.  I'm pretty sure they'll have something -- it's a pretty thorough convenience store.  I mean it's no Wawa, I wouldn't buy a hot dog there, but it's much better than Wawa in terms of having random items that I forgot to get at the grocery store.  It is, in a word, convenient. 

So ANYWAY, a few minutes later Dave arrives with lighter fluid.  (I try to pay him, but he doesn't take the money).  Now, I am a real pussy when it comes to -- well okay pretty much everything.  So I spurt a teeny tiny amount of lighter fluid on the coals, and then light them.  I quickly realize that this isn't going to do the job.  I wait a few minutes until the flames burn down, and then I douse that bitch with lighter fluid.  I light the coals again, and WHUMP! they go up in a beautiful tower of flame.  I am pleased, for a bout 2.5 seconds, until I realize that the tower of flame has angered the hornets nest (no this is not an analogy, there really is a hornet's nest above my balcony) and they are all swarming out, and towards me.  I yell "ahh!" and lunge for the door.  In my haste I kick over the bottle of lighter fluid, which is open (I closed it so carefully the first time, too), which spurts over my balcony floor, so I right it and run inside and close the door and announce that I will be cooking in the oven.  And then I lock the door, so that the hornets can't get in.

So we ate a little late, but the steaks were still very delicious.  I had marinated them overnight in Stubb's marinade.  And then yesterday someone came and got rid of the hornet's nest.  So they're all gone.  They still haven't fixed my kitchen drawer, though.

OH and at one point, whilst the oven was warming up, Dave looks out the tiny windows at the top of the door to the balcony and says "I think you can go back out there, the hornets are gone" and I come over and there are two hornets on the freaking window, which he must have looked right past, and one on the screen door.  So if Dave Mitchell ever tells you that there aren't any stinging insects waiting to attack you outside your door, for God's sake don't listen to him.

So I'm always talking about how I go to my lake for lunch, right?  The only wildlife I encounter are a) fisherman who are not catching fish, b) mallard ducks and c) Canada geese.  All summer long.  But then on Wednesday I saw a LOON and yesterday I saw a heron or stork or crane or some shit!  Bright white, he was!  The geese were following him around and honking at him as though they wanted him to go away, which seemed silly to me, because geese eat wet soggy weeds and cranes eat shiny little fish, but whatever.  I tried to get a picture of the loon, but he dove underwater one time and I never saw where he came up.  The crane was on the opposite side of the lake from me.  Collapse )

Man, I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB.  And by "this job" I mean "answering the phone because the bosses aren't here and the drafters don't bother."  We are not big enough to have a secretary.  People on the phone are stupid.  Stop telling me your problem!  I don't care!  Stop telling me that my boss refuses to call you back!  I can't do anything about it!  Man.

Also I hate Amazon's "look in the book" shit.  I searched for "motor scooters" and it turns up over 4,000 books, because it includes, apparently, every book that contains the phrase "motor scooters".  Gee, that's really useful, Amazon, thanks!  Can I turn that off or something?

Also, within the past 6 months I have bought every original cast Star Trek movie from Amazon, not to mention at least 10 Star Trek related books.  But when it sent me an email telling me about new DVD releases of old TV shows, it didn't mention that the first season of the Original Series was released on Tuesday.  OH MAN AMAZON GET A LITTLE STUPIDER WHY DON'T YOU.

I will end this on a good note.  The other day I saw this article about how we've finally found evidence of extra terrestrial life (no really!), and it reminded me of that SETI@home thing, which is where your computer does work to analyze data from the SETI array, or whatever.  I'd thought about doing that years ago, when I first heard of it, but then I got distracted and never did it (who, me?) but now I have it on my work computer and I feel useful.  I hope I find aliens!  That would be awesome.

Using all of these hr's makes me feel like the Ill Scientist. Also, how come I always think I'm composing a short entry and then it turns out to be the opposite of that?