September 21st, 2004

gonzo spock

Man, B-10

So, last night, on the way back home from watching the Eagles game at the Manse, I turned on the heat in my car, in a proper manner (as opposed to, my poor flip-flop clad feet are too cold), which I suppose is a sign of something.  A signal of impending winter.  And then I bundled up on my couch in fleece pants and a giant gray hoodie.  And I was going to complain about how, man, eff the cold, I am getting too old for this, I think it is time for me to retire and move to San Jose, California.  Warm places are where it's at.  Twenty-six is too old to be dealing with the chill.

Then today I stumbled across this post (the author lives in Las Vegas), and I think that I will move to New England where everything is cold and dead, thank you very little.  Also, good lord.

So you wanna hear a story?

Okay, so this past weekend I was chilling at my house with Mitch, and we had ordered a pizza.  Twenty minutes or so later the doorbell rang, which was fast, but I didn't think much of it and ran downstairs.  I opened the door, and there was some dude standing there, about my age.  He did not have any pizza in his hands.  He laughed nervously as I looked at him, confused, with a twenty dollar bill in my hand, and he said "I just knocked on the door," to which I replied, as anyone would, "uh, okay."

"I'm from B-10," he said.  (I'm in B-6).  "Can I get a ride?" 

This totally confused me.  A ride?  "To where?"

"Gloucester."  Now, that's a little vague, but I guess he means Gloucester Township, though that's weird too, wouldn't people refer to the section of Gloucester, like "Blackwood" or whatever?  Also we're RIGHT NEXT to Gloucester, for goodness' sake our MAILING ADDRESS is in Gloucester Township.  Gloucester is big, though, I guess.  (Also that word looks more and more ridiculous the more I type it).

So with a lot of "uh"s, I explained that I had a friend over, and we were waiting for a pizza, so I couldn't really.  HE SAID HOW ABOUT LATER?  He really needs a ride.  He tried to look desperate and said "I really can't find a ride."  Later?  Are you serious?  I'm supposed to finish my meal and then give you a "ride" somewhere?  I said, uh, I didn't think so, I mean if I didn't have a friend over . . . good lord thank god I had a friend over, or I might have said yes to this dude.

I sez to the guy, I sez, "Can't you call a cab or something?" and he laughs and looks away and says "pff, I can't-- I don't have the money for a cab, man!"  As though it were ridiculous to assume that he did!

Um, what??  Man, max it would cost you ten bucks to get anywhere in "Gloucester"!  Probably less!  There's a convenience store with an ATM right across the street from our apartment complex!

Man, this guy.  I think he was high or something, I mean he must have been, right?  I'm all for doing good deeds, but 1) this guy never said what  he was heading to, so it's not like he had to pick up his dying child from school or anything, I think he just . . . was going somewhere to hang out, or something (unless just saying "Gloucester" implies something to which I'm not privy, maybe he was visiting someone in prison?), and 2) THIS GUY WAS AT HOME.  I mean, it's not like this dude was at the side of the road or something, he was at home and had available to him all of the resources that implies. 

So eventually the cat sneaks out past my feet and I grab him and say "sorry man, I can't help you, good luck" and then go upstairs and ten minutes later my pizza turnover comes and I eat it and it was good, I had them put ricotta cheese in it which was a stroke of genius, one because it tasted so good and two because Mitch didn't care for it so he left my pizza turnover alone.

Man, B-10.  Way to be weird.  [Also, the whole time I was thinking "I have your mail" because the mailman accidentally gave me B-10's Sports Illustrated subscription notice the other day, but I sure as hell was not going to make this conversation go on any longer than it had to.  Now I'm afraid to drop it off, what if he confronts me??]  I thought about this incident ALL DAY and was worried that I had been inconsiderate, but once I stopped being high I realized the guy was crazy and I didn't do anything wrong.