October 18th, 2004

james t. kirk - panicked

(no subject)

Bruce and I went to check out that big hole in the ground.  On the drive back he asked who I was voting for.  I hesitated, because I don't like talking about politics or religion with Bruce, and he said "have you decided yet?" and I just hooted.  I decided YEARS ago, I told him.

And of course he's voting for Bush, and the reason that he gave, I kid you not, is that Bush is a good leader.  He doesn't think that Kerry will make a good leader, because he "changes his mind."  It was almost mind-boggling; I'd heard Bush himself tell me that that's why I should vote for him, but I had never heard a human being in real life say such a thing.

Now I'm all agitated and I can't calm down.  I start to freak out when I think about the possibility that he'll get re-elected.  I start to freak out when I think about how so many people are buying his shit.  I should have asked him if he watched any of the debates.  I tried to be reticent but it's so hard, it's so so hard because I am filled with such hatred and bile for this man (Bush, not my boss) and it just boggles my mind that anyone thinks of him as an intelligent and capable human being.  I actually said that I thought that Bush was kind of a total idiot.  "You don't think he's an idiot?" I asked.  I didn't mean to but I couldn't help it.

I'm really upset and agitated now.  I know I said that already.  I have to stop thinking about this.

You know, I am so freaked out about this right now that I seriously think that if Bush wins the election I'm going to have a panic attack.  I never cared about politics before!  I guess I don't think of this as "politics" anymore, though.  This is my life and my country and it's getting fucked up.  Bush being elected forces me to acknowledge all the people out there who think that he is smart and capable and filled with good ideas.  Fuck the environment.  Fuck what the world thinks of us.  Fuck contraception.  Fuck the gays.  Fuck poor people, if they are poor then it is their own fault and they did something wrong.  Praise Jesus.  Right?  Right? 

God I am totally freaking out.