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Hornets and motor scooters and cranes.

I intended to cook steaks the other day, on the grill out on my balcony, but there was a bit of a fiasco with the briquettes.

When I went to dump them onto the grill, you see, not that many fell out.  By which I mean, there were fewer briquettes than I thought I had, and fewer briquettes than I needed.  So I quickly called Dave (who had called a few minutes previous, to ask if I needed anything from the grocery store), and asked him to pick up a small bag of briquettes, and he said okay.

So a little while later, Dave arrives.  The bag he has aren't the fast-lighting kind, they're the regular kind, but the ones that I have already are self-lighting, so I don't see this as a problem.  Until I try to light the darn things, and nothing happens.  Nothing!  Man did I hold a flame to those suckers, like, forever!  They were a few weeks old, but man, the bag was totally folded over, I was not at all expecting them to be not self-lighting.  So now it's getting late, and I don't know what to do.  Dave volunteers to run to the Nik Nak which is across the street from my apartment complex.  I'm pretty sure they'll have something -- it's a pretty thorough convenience store.  I mean it's no Wawa, I wouldn't buy a hot dog there, but it's much better than Wawa in terms of having random items that I forgot to get at the grocery store.  It is, in a word, convenient. 

So ANYWAY, a few minutes later Dave arrives with lighter fluid.  (I try to pay him, but he doesn't take the money).  Now, I am a real pussy when it comes to -- well okay pretty much everything.  So I spurt a teeny tiny amount of lighter fluid on the coals, and then light them.  I quickly realize that this isn't going to do the job.  I wait a few minutes until the flames burn down, and then I douse that bitch with lighter fluid.  I light the coals again, and WHUMP! they go up in a beautiful tower of flame.  I am pleased, for a bout 2.5 seconds, until I realize that the tower of flame has angered the hornets nest (no this is not an analogy, there really is a hornet's nest above my balcony) and they are all swarming out, and towards me.  I yell "ahh!" and lunge for the door.  In my haste I kick over the bottle of lighter fluid, which is open (I closed it so carefully the first time, too), which spurts over my balcony floor, so I right it and run inside and close the door and announce that I will be cooking in the oven.  And then I lock the door, so that the hornets can't get in.

So we ate a little late, but the steaks were still very delicious.  I had marinated them overnight in Stubb's marinade.  And then yesterday someone came and got rid of the hornet's nest.  So they're all gone.  They still haven't fixed my kitchen drawer, though.

OH and at one point, whilst the oven was warming up, Dave looks out the tiny windows at the top of the door to the balcony and says "I think you can go back out there, the hornets are gone" and I come over and there are two hornets on the freaking window, which he must have looked right past, and one on the screen door.  So if Dave Mitchell ever tells you that there aren't any stinging insects waiting to attack you outside your door, for God's sake don't listen to him.

So I'm always talking about how I go to my lake for lunch, right?  The only wildlife I encounter are a) fisherman who are not catching fish, b) mallard ducks and c) Canada geese.  All summer long.  But then on Wednesday I saw a LOON and yesterday I saw a heron or stork or crane or some shit!  Bright white, he was!  The geese were following him around and honking at him as though they wanted him to go away, which seemed silly to me, because geese eat wet soggy weeds and cranes eat shiny little fish, but whatever.  I tried to get a picture of the loon, but he dove underwater one time and I never saw where he came up.  The crane was on the opposite side of the lake from me. 

You can see the geese following him.

Man, I FUCKING HATE THIS JOB.  And by "this job" I mean "answering the phone because the bosses aren't here and the drafters don't bother."  We are not big enough to have a secretary.  People on the phone are stupid.  Stop telling me your problem!  I don't care!  Stop telling me that my boss refuses to call you back!  I can't do anything about it!  Man.

Also I hate Amazon's "look in the book" shit.  I searched for "motor scooters" and it turns up over 4,000 books, because it includes, apparently, every book that contains the phrase "motor scooters".  Gee, that's really useful, Amazon, thanks!  Can I turn that off or something?

Also, within the past 6 months I have bought every original cast Star Trek movie from Amazon, not to mention at least 10 Star Trek related books.  But when it sent me an email telling me about new DVD releases of old TV shows, it didn't mention that the first season of the Original Series was released on Tuesday.  OH MAN AMAZON GET A LITTLE STUPIDER WHY DON'T YOU.

I will end this on a good note.  The other day I saw this article about how we've finally found evidence of extra terrestrial life (no really!), and it reminded me of that SETI@home thing, which is where your computer does work to analyze data from the SETI array, or whatever.  I'd thought about doing that years ago, when I first heard of it, but then I got distracted and never did it (who, me?) but now I have it on my work computer and I feel useful.  I hope I find aliens!  That would be awesome.

Using all of these hr's makes me feel like the Ill Scientist. Also, how come I always think I'm composing a short entry and then it turns out to be the opposite of that?


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:39 am (UTC)
After you get the search results, the relevant categories are in a frame to the left of the results. You can use that to check out any of the ones besides books.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:47 am (UTC)
I do want books, I just want books about motor scooters. Most of the relevant ones were in the beginning of the list, so maybe they're ordered that way on porpoise, but still, I feel like I'm missing the Perfect Book by not going through the entire list of results.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, those hr's are tricky, because they let you turn a bunch of baby posts into one monster post. About ducks and bees.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:50 am (UTC)
They make hornet spray that goes a good 30 feet, so you could knock that nest out from a good distance. I've done it before, it's pretty easy and not very scary. If scariness was the thing that was preventing you from doing it, and not laziness.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:56 am (UTC)
Since I live in an apartment, and someone else would do it for me, I made someone else do it for me. As I mentioned in my LiveJournal post (see above), the nest is now gone. But thank you for your advice! If it had happened in my own house, I probably would have attempted to take care of it myself. I think.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
Oh whoa, I totally missed that part. Hey, good work!
Sep. 3rd, 2004 09:52 am (UTC)
did you get "final reflection?" thats the good one!
Sep. 3rd, 2004 10:11 am (UTC)
I have a ridiculous number of books to read, but when I order my next batch of shitty Star Trek books, I'll make sure to get that one.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 11:20 am (UTC)
its not even shitty! like- i LIKE it.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 01:11 pm (UTC)
Okay, then when I order shitty +1 Star Trek books.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 10:05 am (UTC)
And what did you think of Stubb's?
Sep. 3rd, 2004 10:10 am (UTC)
It was delicious! I got the marinade instead of the BBQ sauce, and it sat in marinade overnight, and it was really very good. It was a little spicy! Spicy is good! When my Jim Beam runs out I'll get Stubbs, but it seemed silly to have two opened jars of BBQ sauce in the fridge, so I went with my gut. And my gut approved!
Sep. 3rd, 2004 10:33 am (UTC)
Hooray! I'm glad it was good. I can't get enough of the BBQ sauce. Perhaps I should branch out and marinate some veggies in that stuff.

Also, as far as motor scooters go, I've promised myself that when I get a job in the publishing industry, I'm allowing myself to buy a scooter. Preferably pink. Lime green would also be okay.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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