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I know most of you guys aren't interested in celebrity gossip bullshit (and those who are have probably already seen this today) but this email is phenomenal. Lindsay Lohan supposedly sent this out to friends and lawyers via her BlackBerry the other day:

Subject: The Way of the future-Howard Hughes once said.  I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help.  Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country.  Our people.  Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me.  Which we all know and can obviously see.  People are just mean.  I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life.  I want to live it.  People cannot lie and think its okay to continue having done so.  Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me.  I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I'd really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I'm willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to 'these people' trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I've lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, MichaelHeller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn't hurt to ask. So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

This kid is such a fucking trainwreck. This is clearly the result of a lethal combination of a poor education, naturally occurring stupidity, mental instability, shitty parenting, and being high on coke and/or oxy and/or vodka. Also this is the second time (did you see the letter she wrote after the death of Robert Altman?) she's both misspelled and misused the word "adequate." I do not think that word means what she thinks it means.


( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 7th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC)
Man, that Robert Altman one is sweet and kind of sad, if you put it through a coherency filter. This'un, I just have no idea what she's saying.
Dec. 7th, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC)
I love the Superficial's take on the adequate thing. "I dunno man, most people usually aim a little higher than barely satisfactory." OH LOLS, SUPERFICIAL.

I absolutely eat this kind of crazy up with a spoon. See also: letters from Pamela Anderson. Once she stopped writing for Jane, they once published an column she'd "written" in the way it was originally submitted -- hand-scrawled sheets of paper faxed to the office. It was totally nertz.
Dec. 7th, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
My theory on Lindsey Lohan and why people hate her is that she is not attractive enough for you to forget she is an idiot. Other people are, so we try and forget about it.

She is inexplicably famous. She is a meteorite of suck that crash landed on earth and nobody knows how it got here, not even her -- but now it's cold and all the dinosaurs are dead.
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:45 pm (UTC)
big hoots
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
Oh shit, the spelling and grammer is so bad that this reads like one of my livejournal posts, if I was on crack and stupid.
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:23 pm (UTC)
Holy crap.
My favorite line: He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.

Also, how do you pronounce "12st?"
twelvest or twelfst

Doesn't she have "people" to proofread this shit? What a moron.
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC)
I was trying to think of something I could say about that letter, but I gave up when I realized that there was just about nothing I could add to make it funnier. I'm glad you put it up because it truly is astounding.

You know, when I was 20 and I was high, I totally thought everyone was out to get me too. Mayhaps she should just try to dry out a bit. I'm not saying forever, I'm saying like 4 days - Sunday-Wednesday. You can still party Thurs, Fri and Sat.

ALSO! What is that from - "I don't think that word means what you think it means"
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:53 pm (UTC)
Princess Bride!
(no subject) - bakerloo - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlewashu - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bakerloo - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snowman - Dec. 7th, 2006 10:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlewashu - Dec. 7th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
She's (unintentionally) hilarious in a schadenfreude kind of way. Poor stoopid Lindsay. I hope someday she can achieve the rank of "adequite" in both her personal and professional lives. So far I think she's closer to the "looser" category.
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:49 pm (UTC)
"My name is Enigo Montoya..."
C'mon, you mean you never sent your friends an e-mail/text lke that when you were drunk and high on crack and hadn't eaten for a week and were congenitally stupid? I think we've all been there before.
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC)
Re: "My name is Enigo Montoya..."
man, true
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
i love that someone clearly called her "adequate" one time, and she took it as a complement. "be adequate" is my favorite ever.
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
sorry, not logged in!
"BE ADEQUITE" - littlewashu - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: "BE ADEQUITE" - bakerloo - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: "BE ADEQUITE" - lindseymarkel - Dec. 7th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: "BE ADEQUITE" - bakerloo - Dec. 8th, 2006 02:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: "BE ADEQUITE" - adsinfinitum - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: "BE ADEQUITE" - pravda - Dec. 7th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC)

Made me throw up in my mouth a little.

I'm not a fantastic writer, but I know that I write MUCH better than that.
Dec. 8th, 2006 12:30 am (UTC)
Somewhere her lawyer or publicist is drinking and asking strangers, "Why does she even pay me?"

Am I supposed to know who LR is? And what this mystery person has done to earn her wrath?
Dec. 8th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
Supposedly, this was written after the GQ Man of the Year Party, where LL met Al Gore, and also FREAKED OUT because the personal assistant of Jessica Biel was there, and this woman had quit as Lindsay's PA months earlier. Apparently "LR" is this assistant.

But so no, you're not.
Dec. 8th, 2006 01:38 am (UTC)
Dec. 8th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
yeah, i don't get it this post at all. what's the big deal? she's upset because she wrote a personal letter to the family of a friend who had just, you know, DIED, and that letter was made public by the press and she was ridiculed. i've had friends die on me, it's not fun. i would probably go batshit too if for some reason complete strangers decided to make fun of a personal email i sent to the family of my dead pal.

the press treat her like shit, and sure it's interesting to read and funny to laugh about but do we really need to be fueling this completely pointless fire? obviously she's not very well educated and can hardly put a sentence together but who the fuck cares? why are we putting these actors and actresses on pedestals and expecting so much out of them? they're entertainers, they aren't educators, why does it matter if she can spell a word or not? OMG!! SHE CAN'T SPELL! SHE'S ALWAYS HIGH ON COKE!! SHE MAKES MOVIES!! SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW A PERIOD WORKS AND WHERE TO PLACE ONE, EVER!! SHE'S A SHITTY ACTRESS WHO'S BEEN IN THE SPOTLIGHT SINCE SHE WAS 11!!!
Dec. 8th, 2006 03:50 am (UTC)
i'd make fun of this person if it was a lj'er's little sib, or girlfriend, or anyone at all.
(no subject) - thisexplosion - Dec. 8th, 2006 03:55 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mordicai - Dec. 8th, 2006 03:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlewashu - Dec. 8th, 2006 02:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - toomskt - Dec. 8th, 2006 04:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 8th, 2006 06:07 am (UTC)
I have little to say about eL-eL, BUT...
I do not think that word means what she thinks it means.

Dec. 8th, 2006 06:09 am (UTC)
Damn it! That was me...
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