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This weekend I went up to Queens to see my grandparents. It was the first time I'd seen them since the wedding.

(I'm DYING for the professional photos to be ready, bee tee dub. DYING. I check my photographer's site hourly.)

I've probably said this before, but seeing my grandparents, while something I try to do at least once a month, is pretty depressing, and inevitably reminds me of my own mortality (which is not something I really like to be reminded of.)

My grandparents didn't come to my wedding. It's too hard for my grandma to get around, and she has "accidents" getting from the kitchen to the bathroom sometimes -- and one is adjacent to the other. We thought for a while that we'd be able to figure something out, but Grandpa called a few weeks before the wedding -- making what he called "the saddest phone call [he'd] ever made" -- and told me they wouldn't be coming after all.

My mom went to visit them a week or two after the wedding, and brought photos. At first Grandma wanted to know what she was looking at, and then she wanted to know why she wasn't there. This time it only took her a little while to keep remembering that she was looking at my wedding photos -- and she seemed really happy about it, she kept looking at them over and over. With my Grandpa, I'm not sure how to handle it. I know he's still really sad that he wasn't there, he said it was something he never thought he would miss. So I feel a little bad talking about it, but I think that's the right way to go, because he should feel as though he could have been there, right? He should know every bit of the ceremony, every detail? I don't know.

I do know that I don't want to get old. It's horrible. I don't want my body to fall apart. I can't stand the thought of it, and I don't know why it doesn't drive everybody else crazy too. Dying is fine; bam, it's over. But getting old? God. I kind of can't believe Hunter Thompson lasted as long as he did. In the bathroom I started crying as I thought about Chris and I getting old, and my first instinct was to hope that if somebody starts falling apart first, it's him. I'd rather take care of him, and watch him wither away, then have to put him through that. Ugh, again though, a robot apocalypse occurring whilst we're still middle-aged is preferred. If the world is going to end, I'd sure like to be around to see it.

HEY, that was depressing! Let's move on!

On Friday my photographer posted the following picture on her blog:

dancing lanterns

I'm hoping that means that the pictures will be finished soon. I am so eager to see them! But of course, I'm also thinking of all these particular shots that I really want her to have taken, though I didn't, like, tell her about them or anything. There were so many other things to think about in the days leading up to the wedding, that I never got around to giving her a list of "must have" shots. Ah well, they'll be lovely, I'm sure. And besides, I was there, I saw everything -- the day lives on IN MY MIND.

This weekend was Michael's birthday -- Michael is Flapjack's son, and he's now five. His birthday party was at the same place as my wedding! Because it's his grandparents' farm. There was a puppy there! Oh he was so cute.

The weekend before this one was Max's first birthday -- Max is Michelle and Teege's son. He's my favorite kid ever. Here he is making Maxface:


As I say on the Flickr page, I know EXACTLY what Max is saying in this picture, because it's a very distinctive face. He's saying "Uhhhhh." In a thoughtful manner. It's the most thoughtful "uhhhh" you've ever heard. You know, I used to say that I was worried about the day that Max begins to speak (English): what if I won't like him anymore, because he's annoying? I'm not worried anymore. Now I'm just eager to hear what he has to say. Man do I love that kid.

Okay, that was a good finish, right? Back to work. See ya, LiveJournal.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
I can't stand the thought of it, and I don't know why it doesn't drive everybody else crazy too.

People just don't think about it. Sometimes I get in a mood and spend a while thinking about it and get myself good and bummed out, but mostly my thoughts just glance off the topic.

Did I tell you how great your wedding was? And how gorgeous you looked? And how handsome Chris looked, even though I am not into dudes? I love it when people do Whatever They Want for their wedding.

Old people and weddings and babies, man.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
Did I tell you how great your wedding was? [etc]

You did, I think, but thank you again! And also thank you for coming all that way, that was really quite amazing.

Old people and weddings and babies, man.

I know, right? And birthdays! This post is all Circle of Life and shit.
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
Wow, Max looks like my father-in-law. How strange.

That wedding picture is stunning :)
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)
getting older
It used to be that I didn't understand why getting older would be such an obsessive thought for some. It's what we do. It's what we ARE. Every breath we take, we are getting older. We, and life, are changing constantly.

Where "getting older" starts to upset me is the idea that there will be a day when I can't get up and down my stairs. What the hell am I going to do then? I don't really fear old age as much as I fear the inevitable loss of independence and physical strength (what little I have in these girly arms) and how I won't be able to get it back. Nuts to that.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
Re: getting older
Exactly. I don't like having to be dependent on other people. I also don't like being in pain. Getting old is going to suck.
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
Getting older I can handle. Getting old is rough. Yeah, maybe we'll all get Science Raptured into bug robot nanite swarms or something, but hey, whatever. Meat, I was never keen on you in the first place.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)

At least you exercise. I don't; I'm doomed.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I figure I might as well keep my hardware in decent shape until better upgrades are around.
Oct. 11th, 2010 07:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for saying such nice things about my Max. He loves you too. And that photo from your wedding is incredible. Max would say "oh wooooow" about that one. I CAN'T wait to see the rest.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you (and David) for always telling me that Max loves me. I really like that.
Oct. 11th, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
That wedding picture is great.
Oct. 14th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
Nov. 4th, 2010 05:00 pm (UTC)
that is a beautiful picture!

and now that you don't hate babies, please make some for me to play with.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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