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Do they wobble to and fro

While home for lunch, I caught the tail-end of the twelve-o'-clock Action News. The tail-end of newscasts are always dangerous, because that's where they talk about the STUPID shit. Today, the stupid shit was some kid, early twenties I think, who, through years of tugging, has suceeded in making his earlobes very long and droopy. Like that Girl Scout song. He was recently entered into the Guiness Book of World Records for flinging a dime eleven feet, or something, by using his earlobes. No one has ever flung a dime eleven feet with his earlobes before.

Okay, so, weirdo, right? But that's not my point. After coming back from the video of this kid flinging dimes, the newscaster says, and I quote, "he needs to get a life."

Man, this really pissed me off. I mean, I don't think this guy is really cool or anything -- like I said, he's a weirdo -- but she had no right to say that shit. First of all, you're a fucking afternoon news anchor. You're an ANCHOR. No one's watching you anyway except housewives waiting for Port Charles to come on, but it is not your place to editorialize. Second of all, that's not editorializing anyway -- that's just a flat-out insult. We all KNOW this dude is weird. You don't need to make fun of him for it. And if you're going to make fun of him, at least tease him or something, don't tell him to fucking get a life. I realized this afternoon that I really don't like that retort, "get a life." Who are you to say? You may think that something is stupid, but so what? The point of life is to be happy, not cool. If this guy is happy tugging on his earlobes, and doesn't mind the ridicule, then I say, tug away! "Get a life" is an insult which indicates a lack of respect for someone else and how they choose to spend their time. It's ALWAYS that lack of respect, people, which causes all the problems. Really. Any beef you have with someone -- think about it, boil it down to its essence -- it's probably about lack of respect. Where was I going with this?

Oh yes -- and also, dude, okay, this guy's weird, but he doesn't even necessarily need a life. I mean, tugging on your earlobes is not a life. He did this sitting in class, or while watching tv, or while driving, and after years of tugging, they are huge. It's not like some kids from school were like "yo, you want to hang out after school today?" and he was like "nah, man, I gots to keep working on these lobes." He didn't look thrilled to be in these pictures, either; he was probably like, well, here's this weird thing that I do that everyone makes fun of me about, may as well try to make a buck offa it. I don't know how he's actually making money or anything, I'm just saying, he looked a little embarassed.

So anchor lady, if you're going to be an obnoxious bitch on television, at least say something GOOD. Can I at least expect a "this kid's got problems"? Or "this kid's got some serious fidgeting issues"? Or just a blank stare, right at the camera? THAT I would have liked. Or a sarcastic "you heard it here first", that always works.

Um . . . this post is FAR longer than its subject matter warrants, but there you have it.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 18th, 2002 12:31 pm (UTC)
Yep, that shit infuriates me too. I'm right there with ya. I could go on and on about it myself, actually.
Jan. 18th, 2002 01:06 pm (UTC)
i totally agree with you but man...smoke one already...
Jan. 18th, 2002 01:21 pm (UTC)
I don't agree. I wish more newscasters were like that. I wish they'd say comments like, "That fucking bitch." Or "What a fucking moron." Or "Damn that one guy on the left could use to lose some weight." That would rule.
Jan. 18th, 2002 01:31 pm (UTC)
I think newscasters should say really snooty, condescending things about people and laugh like they're better than everyone. Then I think Murphy Brown should come in and beat the living crap out of them with a pipe.
Jan. 18th, 2002 01:44 pm (UTC)
Word. I totally hear you: you are allowed to judge other people, and in fact you're kind of supposed to, but you should... if it's that fucking mean, in that context, you keep it to yourself.

Aw god. Yeah. Now I'm angry too. I hate everything.
Jan. 18th, 2002 02:07 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, well you need to get a life.
Jan. 18th, 2002 02:22 pm (UTC)
I'm okay with them being total assholes to the people they feature on the news, only it's not cool that - you know - first off, that story was done in a prerecorded segment and the guy was nowhere near the studio, and the newscaster knows that no matter how much that guy complains, that anchor lady will never have to really apologize or confront him or anything. And secondly that they KNEW the guy'd be watching and there wouldn't be anything he could do to defend himself ...

So, if the news added a segment called "The Anchors are fucking morons" and it featured the people they made fun of in these crap human interest segments, and it was just these people going the fuck off on the anchors in retaliation, THEN it'd be cool...

It'd be beyond cool, in fact
Jan. 27th, 2002 05:00 am (UTC)
Why I Stopped Watching Local News
I had a really similar thing happen when I was back in Virginia for the holidays.

On the 11 o'clock news, they mentioned that some "Star Wars" fans in Seattle have set up camp five months ahead of time for "Attack of the Clones." So the anchors turn to this sportscaster with bad teeth and a really scary haircut who says, "Sounds like someone needs to get a life. Heh heh! Need to get a job!" So then he does the sportscast and says he's going to Vegas the next day for some damn college game or another, and the sportscasters ask him if he's going to swing by Seattle to hang out with the "Star Wars" crowd, and this guy (who by now has had a good five minutes to think of a better insult, and apparently still hasn't found a more original one) says, "No, I have a life."

So I got pissed.

Not because they were hittin' my homies, the "Star Wars" geeks, because the guys who camp out for five months for "Attack of the Clones" make me cry, more so because I am a geek. It's not that they make the rest of us look bad, because I could give a shit. Mainly because their refusal to admit that "The Phantom Menace" sucked ass is only encouraging Lucas to rape the original trilogy further, and partly because the really scary geeks like these guys always talk to me whenever I set foot in the comics shop. Look, pal, I don't wanna hear about how much I'm missing by not having paid money for a movie I didn't want to see because they'd tacked on the same trailer I can download from adcritic.com, okay? I just wanna pick up my goddamn Superman comics. Go talk to the weirdo in the corner speaking Klingon and leave me alone.

So I have, if anything, more reason to fear those Seattle freaks, because I know I'm going to run into them in San Diego. I don't need to hear from the two empty-headed prick anchors and the televangelist wannabe sportscaster. Their job is to tell Richmond about a tomato that looks like Elvis, to do a special report on how many Virginians believe in angels, and to whore for the University of Virginia's second-rate athletics department. Mine is to try to look interested in the possibility of N'Sync appearing as extras while planning an escape route from the babbling loser in the Wookie costume. I don't tell them how to do their job, they shouldn't tell me about mine.

But the thing I loved most was the irony: The guy yapping the most was the fucking sportscaster. This is a guy who spends most of his time praising inbred yahoos who smear themselves in orange and white paint for the opportunity of looking like assholes on local TV. That little pot has no business calling any kettle black, as far as I'm concerned.

*Pant! Pant! Pant!*

So, anyway, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah: Right on, sister!

(This is why I used to sit in salsamander's dorm room with a bag of animal crackers for throwing at the TV during the local news.)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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