Okay, so back to girl nipples. By reviewing the entire slate of Playmates of 2001 (included in the January issue so that you could decide how to cast your vote for Playmate of the Year), I have determined that, among white women (no ethnic ladies in 2001 -- how fucking shitty. But have you seen Hef's seven current girlfriends? They're ALL fakey fakey blondes. How boring! You'd think that with seven girlfriends, he'd want some variety), there are two kinds of nipples.
The first are big and shiny and smooth. The second are smaller and wrinkled. The first ones FREAK ME OUT and I don't like to look at them because they make me uncomfortable. I do not find them aesthetically pleasing AT ALL. The second are beautiful and wonderful. Well, I mean, they're just nipples, but you know, compared to the freak show ones, they're great.
Jon says I mention my own nipples often. I've never noticed.